Ankh-Morpork


Ankh-Morpork is a fictional city-state which features prominently in Terry Pratchett's Discworld fantasy novels.

Overview

Pratchett describes this biggest city of Discworld as the corrupt mercantile capital of the Discworld.
, one of the real-life prototypes of Ankh-Morpork
In The Art of Discworld Pratchett explains that the city is similar to Tallinn and central Prague, but adds that it has elements of 18th-century London, 19th-century Seattle and modern New York City. He also stated that since the creation of The Streets of Ankh-Morpork, he tried to ensure that the descriptions of character movements and locations in the books matched the Ankh-Morpork map; this allowed him, and fans of the series, to visualise the story more clearly.

Geography

The name "Ankh-Morpork" refers to both the city itself, a walled city about five miles across, and the surrounding suburbs and farms of its fiefdom. The city itself lies on the River Ankh, the most polluted waterway on the Discworld, which divides it into the more affluent Ankh and the poorer Morpork Lying approximately equidistant from the cold, mountainous Hub and tropical Rim, Ankh-Morpork is in the Discworld's equivalent of the temperate zone.
Ankh-Morpork is built on black loam, broadly, but is mostly built on itself; pragmatic citizens simply built on top of the existing buildings rather than excavate them out as the river flooded and the sediment grew too high. There are many unknown basements, including an entire "cave network" below Ankh-Morpork made up of old streets and abandoned sewers.

Politics

Leadership

The succession of the Patrician occurs normally by either assassination or revolution. Patricians have been known to resign, but this is very much the exception. Power is, to some degree, shared with the many Guilds and the surviving nobility. They form a sort of advisory city council, with a system of one man, one vote - the Patrician being the "one man" in question.

Institutions

The primary engines of Ankh-Morpork's economy are the guilds. There are hundreds of guilds, for every conceivable profession, from clowns to butchers, and each has its own strictly maintained laws and trading practices. Many guilds have assumed roles which in real-world cities would be assumed by government agencies.

City Watch

The City Watch is one of the greatest success stories. In the beginning, it consisted of the Day Watch, :wikt:popinjay|popinjays headed by Captain "Mayonnaise" Quirke and the Night Watch, three unemployable men; then-Captain Vimes, who was a drunk, Sergeant Colon, whose idea of major crime would be the theft of a bridge and Corporal Nobbs, who has a certificate to prove that he's probably human. The addition of Lance-Constable Carrot was the catalyst for their reformation over the course of the novel Guards! Guards!. Over the course of time, the Watch has grown under the leadership of Commander Samuel Vimes to the most modern police force on the Disc.

Assassins' Guild

The Ankh-Morpork Assassins' Guild is a professional organisation and school for assassins in Terry Pratchett's long-running Discworld series of fantasy novels. It is located in Ankh-Morpork, the largest city on the Discworld, and is widely considered by the elite to be the best option for a well-rounded education anywhere.
The Guild of Assassins is located in a light, airy series of buildings next to the Guild of Fools and Joculators, which, being a far more sinister building, is often mistaken for the Assassins'. The guild is currently headed by Lord Downey.

History

The Assassins' Guild was founded on 27 August AM1512 by Sir Gyles de Munforte as the de Munforte School for Gentlemen Assassins. Sir Gyles was a warrior knight who, during his crusades in Klatch, was intrigued by the Klatchian tradition of professional gentleman assassins, and decided to set up a similar organisation at home, only without the drugs. In AM1576 the school was elevated to the status of a Guild and the name was changed to the Royal Guild of Assassins. The 'Royal' was dropped after the 'events' of AM1688.
In response to huge demand among the aristocracy for their children to receive the well-rounded education the Guild offered, the Guild's charter was expanded to include those intending to gain skills in proper Assassination.
For most of its history the Assassins Guild School was a male-only establishment, however it has recently become co-educational.
It is said to be the only school of assassination on the Discworld. However, assassination began in Klatch, and it is stated in Interesting Times that there is a small, very select guild in Hunghung, in the Agatean Empire.

Notable locations

The Bell Tower houses the Inhumation Bell, which marks not only the hours but also the successful completion of an assassin's contract. It also tolls to mark the passing of assassins. The Bell Tower is topped by Wiggy Charlie, a weathervane in the shape of a cloaked man.
The Cloister houses the busts and portraits of famous victims of the guild's various graduates, along with the date of death and the name of the Assassin with whose "assistance" they threw off their respective mortal coils.
The Museum contains many noted tools and traps, such as rigged teddy bears, used in successful killings.
The Library is the largest in Ankh-Morpork outside that of Unseen University, though it probably surpasses the latter in "certain specialist areas".

Structure and activities

Pratchett describes the Assassins' Guild in The Art of Discworld as a typical British public school with the knobs turned up to eleven. Like a British public school, it is divided into houses, often named for a deadly animal. The most oft-mentioned is Viper House, though Scorpion, Tree Frog, Raven and Cobra Houses have also been mentioned. Initially a purely male institution, it has recognised female students as being at least equal to their brothers in the matter of inventive killing, and has opened Black Widow and Mantis Houses for girls.
The Assassins' Guild is known for providing the best education in Ankh-Morpork. Most of the nobility in the city send their children there. Very few actually become assassins; many who attend do not learn valuable weapon skills, but are mainly there for the arts courses. These students are known as Oppidans, from the Latatian for "town". Guild graduates can be expected to be at home in any company, and to be able to play at least one musical instrument. However, those who do not graduate are generally never seen again; as noted in Wyrd Sisters, the Guild is fond of competitive examination, and Pyramids mentions that the Guild is "easy to get into and easy to get out of; the trick was to get out upright". It is implied, though not confirmed, that Oppidans are not included in this.
When an assassin reaches the end of his final year, he must undertake a "final exam" known as 'The Run', which consists of an oral test, a run through an obstacle course at night in Ankh-Morpork and the targeted killing of a single individual. As described in Pyramids, it is designed to test all aspects of the trade, including covert maneuvering, climbing, trap evasion, contingency planning, and the ability to actually line up your target and finish the job—all under pressures akin to a real contract. To prepare for 'The Run', the Guild encourages particularly competitive forms of recreation; in particular the "Wall Game", and Stealth Chess. Furthermore, a school sport is edificeering—the climbing of buildings, often done on unusual/notable buildings in the city itself, with each major building having a rating out of 10 representing how difficult it is to climb. School houses have their own teams, and the teams compete against one another. Another activity that occurred in later years involved "extra-credit" assignments given to particularly adept pupils, particularly those growing overly confident of their own abilities. These assignments generally required the student to stalk and simulate an attempted assassination on Commander of the Watch Sam Vimes, an exercise which was generally both futile and highly educational.

Coat of arms

A shield, bisected by a bend sinister et purpure. Dexter a poignard d'or, draped with a masque en sable, lined gris on a field gules. Sinister two croix d'or on a sable field.
Motto: Nil Mortifi Sine Lucre.

Code of conduct

The Assassins' Guild has a strict code of conduct. It is considered absolutely unforgivable for an Assassin to kill for any reason other than being paid to do so. Of course, to distinguish themselves from common hitmen, the assassins' code also demands that they be paid a very large amount to do so. Typical Guild contracts have the Guild taking half of the payment, with the Assassin keeping the remainder. The code also demands Assassins never reveal the source of the contract. After an inhumation they must by law always leave a receipt. They must also give the client a sporting chance, and thus are forbidden from accepting contracts on those who are unable to defend themselves. With this in mind the Guild strongly disapproves of firearms, and also of most other mechanical or chemical weapons. Also, it is apparent that the Guild will only accept one contract per client, as mentioned in Making Money. They also frown on performing jobs on the street and prefer to service a client in his/her home or place of business.
It is accepted that an Assassin may find it necessary to inhume bodyguards, including other Assassins, while on a commission. However, if these can be incapacitated without being killed, it is considered good manners to do so.
In very rare cases, usually of personal offence, the head of the Assassins' Guild may stretch some of those rules, if only to make a statement. This was described by Dr Cruces as "Inhumation with extreme impoliteness", and by Lady T'malia in Pyramids as "Termination with extreme prejudice". This procedure requires not only that the victim be inhumed in an extremely thorough way, but that the victim's associates and employees be also intimately involved, along with the business premises, the building, and a large part of the surrounding neighbourhood, so that everyone involved knows that the man has been unwise enough to make the kind of enemies who can get very angry and indiscriminate.
It is also the case that the rules may be relaxed if the Assassin is "outside civilisation".
An Assassin must always act with style. Without style, he's just an expensive thug. They must always dress stylishly in black and must always seem vaguely bored and, if possible, slightly foreign.
The rules of Assassination are so utterly formalised and strict that anyone with a strategic mind, a decent budget, and a firm knowledge of their code can usually avoid death at their hands, as Commander of the City Watch Sam Vimes has proved many times. The Commander has been so difficult to inhume that as of the events of The Fifth Elephant, the last time the Guild was approached, no one stepped forward to accept the contract, despite the six-hundred-thousand dollar fee, and by Night Watch he was off the register entirely, preventing any one from taking out a contract on him, an order so powerful that only Lord Vetinari has ever been "struck off" before. Vimes has petitioned for the decision to be overturned.

Assassins featured in the books

;Havelock Vetinari
Lord Vetinari appears as a student assassin in Night Watch but is apparently no longer practising. Also, no-one remembers what weapon he learned. He is the current Patrician of Ankh-Morpork and the Diary lists him as 'Provost of Assassins', presumably an honorary position.
;Dr Cruces
Head of the Assassins' Guild in Men at Arms. He is elitist and looks down on the Watch as members of a lower social stratum. However, he is usually honourable by his own standards, until d'Eath comes to him with a wild story about the Heir to the Throne, a bag full of evidence, and the stolen "gonne". Upon picking up the weapon, he becomes drunk with power, enjoying the god-like feeling of having the power of life and death over whoever he sees. He takes over Edward's plan, trying to kill several Guild leaders, and attempts to assassinate the Patrician at Vimes's wedding. He is hunted down and relieved of his gonne by Vimes. He reveals the truth of Carrot's ancestry, and Carrot executes him for treason. His death is an example of Vimes's theory about how anyone who has a weapon being held on them better hope the person holding it is evil, because evil men like Cruces will enjoy the power they have over the victim and wait, while good men such as Carrot will strike quickly without any meaningless delays.
;Lord Downey
.
The current head of the Assassins' Guild. He succeeded Dr Cruces after his death; before that he was his deputy. He is a kindly looking, distinguished old gentleman with white hair, eminently professional and seemingly unflappable. Certain evidence suggests, however, that he was not always quite as refined or in-control as he is now. He was at school with Havelock Vetinari, where he was a bully and something of an imbecile, with a propensity for calling everyone 'scags', including Vetinari, whom he also referred to as dog-botherer. Thirty years' passage seems to have improved him. Also, the fact that he managed to get on Vetinari's bad side may have something to do with it.
Allegedly, Lord Downey's preferred method of inhumation is poisoning, though no deaths have yet been attributed to him. Pratchett suggests this is probably because he is very good at his job. His special recipe for humbugs, submitted to Nanny Ogg, calls for "arsenic to taste", though, since arsenic is actually very traceable, this is likely a slight bit of misinformation on his part. One current tradition he maintains is inviting certain students to his office for sherry and an almond slice. Given the nature of most Assassins' Guild traditions, this could be seen as a kind of impromptu "pass or fail" examination.
Lord Downey first appears in Men at Arms, makes his first appearance as Guildmaster in Feet of Clay, and appears again in Hogfather. He also appears in Night Watch as a student bully, and in Making Money as head of the Assassins' Guild. His first name is unknown, but he is mentioned by the initials D.Downey in the Assassin's Guild Yearbook, when discussing edificeering. In the Sky One adaptation of Hogfather Downey was played by David Warner.
;71-Hour Ahmed
A Klatchian warrior who accompanies the Klatchian envoy Prince Khufurah on a diplomatic journey to Ankh-Morpork in the novel Jingo. He speaks with a heavy accent and has a penchant for chewing on cloves. Following an attempt on the prince's life by an unknown assassin, he is suspected of killing the Watch's prime suspect, provoking Vimes and other Watch members to pursue him back to Klatch.
Apart from belonging to a vicious but honorable warrior clan known as the D'regs, he is later revealed to be the wali of Klatch, a Klatchian equivalent of a watchman on a par with Vimes. It also turns out his obsessive clove-chewing and broken Morporkian are in fact a disguise meant to delude foreigners into falsely assuming he is nothing but an uncivilized barbarian. Like many privileged foreigners, he was sent to the Assassins' Guild as a child on the assumption that he would get an excellent education. He confounds Vimes by his fond memories of Ankh-Morpork, and even Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler. He and Vimes eventually develop a wary respect for each other, mostly based on both of them being basically honest cops in unenviable positions.
He got his nickname after killing a man one hour before the traditional D'reg three days of hospitality, during which even your greatest enemy should be shown respect, would have run out. He did so for reasons that would not be beyond Vimes' own way of thinking; he was getting the jump on a man who would not hesitate to attack him the instant custom allowed.
;Edward d'Eath
One of the major villains in Men at Arms, he is an impoverished aristocrat whose ancestors lost all their money through drinking, gambling, and, in the words of Gaspode "chasing anything in a dress... his dress". A hopeless romantic, he dreams of restoring the Ankh-Morpork monarchy; when he discovers that Carrot Ironfoundersson is a descendant of the Ankh-Morpork royal line, he conspires to give him the throne. When he obtains Leonard of Quirm's "gonne", he becomes progressively more insane, accidentally killing a clown. After an "accident" in which a dwarf artifacer is killed by the jealous gonne, which fears he will make more, a frightened d'Eath takes his evidence to Dr. Cruces, who listens quite kindly until he touches the gonne and kills young Edward.
;Mr Teatime
Mr Jonathan Teatime appears in Hogfather. He insists that his last name is pronounced "Te-ah-tim-eh", and gets considerably irritated when people pronounce it in the traditional manner, saying peevishly that "everybody gets it wrong". He is considerably impressed when Death, addressing Teatime shortly after the latter's demise, uses his preferred pronunciation. He was taken into the Assassins' Guild as a child because the administration took pity on him after he lost his parents at a young age. It is never specified what happened to young Jonathan's parents; it is, however, implied that what happened to them was Jonathan.
He is boyishly handsome, with curly hair and a ready smile, but these features are ruined by his eyes. One is grey glass and the other is off-white, with a tiny, pinhole-sized pupil. He is a genius, but also evil to an astonishing degree. His mind has been compared at times to both a corkscrew and a shattered mirror. His main problem seems to be that he 'sees things differently from other people, in that he sees other people as things'. This gets him into a spot of trouble early on, as his assassinations often include the brutal murders of not just the target, but also their family, their servants, and very often their pets, all of which are direct violations of Guild protocol. Senior assassins regarded him as a young man to watch, preferably from a distance.
When the Auditors of Reality need someone to assassinate The Hogfather, they choose Mr Teatime. He commissions the help of a cadre of lowlifes, ranging from the childlike Banjo Lilywhite to the locksmith Mr Brown, and sets about putting his plan into action, which pits him against Susan Sto Helit and her grandfather, Death.
Most of the time, Mr Teatime seems a pleasant, albeit odd young man. However, he possesses physical abilities which defy physics, and has been known to perform feats such as stabbing through all layers of clothing but stopping before hitting flesh, doing the same thing but with eyelids instead of clothing and eyes instead of flesh, flipping on thin air, and killing so fast he appears to be a blur, all of which he will do without any notice or provocation. Rumours among his associates imply that the glass eye is in fact a scrying crystal, which might go some way towards explaining his abilities but also means that he implanted notoriously erratic Discworld magic into his own eye-socket.
He is always cheerful, sometimes in positions when he shouldn't have been. He has a certain, and in some places 'scary' way of speaking; The content didn't match the tone.
The Assassins' Guild lists him as having vanished without trace since the events in Hogfather, though they have named a "Teatime Prize" in his honour, which is given annually to the student who devises the most creative, but technically accurate, hypothetical inhumation, preferably complete with maps and a proposed route that avoids or disables any guards.
In the Sky One adaptation of Hogfather, Mr Teatime is played by Marc Warren. Warren plays Teatime with an American, and more specifically, a New England accent, partly based on Johnny Depp's version of Willy Wonka.
;Other noted assassins

Open commissions

Currency

The AM$ is equal to 100 pennies. Under Ankh-Morporkian tradition, ten pence can be referred to as a shilling, twenty-five pence as half a ton, and fifty pence as a nob/a ton/half a bar/a knocker.
The AM$ is reputedly the hardest currency outside of the Agatean Empire. A dollar coin is Sequin sized, and although theoretically made of gold the metal has been adulterated so many times that, according to The Discworld Companion:

"There is more gold in an equivalent weight of seawater. In a sense, then, Ankh-Morpork is on the gold standard in all respects except the one of actually having any gold to speak of."

Real-world connections

Ankh-Morpork was twinned with the town of Wincanton in Somerset, in the south-west United Kingdom on the spherical planet Earth on 7 December 2002. The town is home to a shop called "The Discworld Emporium".
However, due to legal reasons, the twinning was not officially displayed on the road sign. Fans, however, added stick-on notices to some of the signs. This has now been changed and a new town sign prominently declaring the twinning with Ankh-Morpork and other Roundworld places has been erected. This sign was designed by the Cunning Artificer himself, Bernard Pearson. Several streets in a new housing development in Wincanton have been named after Ankh-Morpork Streets, including Peach Pie Street and Treacle Mine Road.
The word "Morpork" is from a type of New Zealand owl called the morepork, which is depicted holding the ankh on the coat of arms.
"" was published as a board game in 2011.

Fiction connections

Many details of Ankh-Morpork appear to have been inspired by Fritz Leiber's fictional city Lankhmar ; John D. Rateliff notes that Leiber's characters "the Gray Mouser and Fafhrd guest-star in the very first Discworld story, The Colour of Magic, under the pseudonyms of The Weasel and Bravd".