"Professional Widow" is a 1996 song written by singer-songwriter Tori Amos. It is a harpsichord-driven rock dirge and was included on her 1996 album Boys for Pele. The eponymous "professional widow" is widely rumoured to be Courtney Love, widow of Kurt Cobain, whom Trent Reznor blames for the destruction of the friendship between himself and Amos. In 1999, Reznor's band Nine Inch Nails released a single called "Starfuckers, Inc.", with "Starfucker" being a word that appears in "Professional Widow". "Professional Widow" was released in July 1996 as the third single from the Boys for Pele album in the US, containing remixes by house music producers Armand van Helden and MK. The single reached number one on the BillboardHot Dance Music/Club Play chart. In Italy, the original version peaked at number two in October 1996. An edited version of the Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix of "Professional Widow" was originally released as a double A-side single with "Hey Jupiter" in Europe and Australia. In December 1996, the single was released as an A-side in Europe, under the expanded title "Professional Widow ", which topped the UK Singles Chart in January 1997 and reached the top 20 in Finland, Iceland, Ireland and Norway. This release contained additional remixes of the track by Mr. Roy.
Background
In a 1998 interview with Music & Media, Amos commented on the song: "It did kick my ass a bit, I know what Van Helden took and what he did and I think he did some very clever things. Obviously they're two different pieces of work, the original Professional Widow is such a different read and I loved the fact that he didn't try and retain that at all, he went completely to the other pole."
Lyrical content
Lyrically the song borrows directly from the short story "The Sphinx" by Edgar Allan Poe. Specifically the lyric "what is termed a landslide of principal proportion" is taken from the line "what is termed a land-slide, of the principal portion of its trees"; and the lyric "prism perfect" from the line "in shape a perfect prism."
Music video
A video was made for the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix," but it was simply a collection of clips from other Tori Amos videos edited together. It is the only video from between 1991 and 1998 that does not appear on . One can see Amos playing "Professional Widow" live on the Welcome to Sunny Florida DVD. The performance features Jon Evans on bass and Matt Chamberlain on drums, while Amos plays the piano. This version mutes out any instances of "fucker," and the last word, "cock".
UK "Hey Jupiter/Professional Widow" double A-side single
CD single
"Hey Jupiter" – 6:03
"Professional Widow" – 3:45
"Sugar" – 5:43
"Honey" – 4:19
12" single
"Professional Widow" – 8:08
"Hey Jupiter" – 4:14
"Talula" – 11:27
Cassette single
"Hey Jupiter" – 6:03
"Professional Widow" – 3:45
UK "Professional Widow (It's Got to Be Big)" single
CD single
"Professional Widow" – 3:45
"Professional Widow"
"Professional Widow" – 8:08
"Professional Widow"
"Professional Widow"
12" single
"Professional Widow"
"Professional Widow"
"Professional Widow"
"Professional Widow"
Cassette single
"Professional Widow"
"Professional Widow"
Compilations
Following the release of Boys for Pele, on which it first appeared, "Professional Widow" has been featured on several releases.
1996 – The LP version is featured on the Escape from L.A. soundtrack.
1996 – The "Merry Widow version", a live version performed on an organ during her 1996 tour, appeared on the Hey Jupiter EP.
1997 – Boys for Pele was reissued in the UK and Australia featuring both the LP version and the full-length Star Trunk Funkin' Mix back-to-back. Consequently, the track "In the Springtime of His Voodoo" is cut from the album.
2003 – The compilation CD Tales of a Librarian seats the radio edit of the Star Trunk Funkin' Mix between two other Boys for Pele songs.
2005 – The digital version of Boys for Pele was made available on iTunes, featuring the same track listing as the 1997 UK reissue.
2006 – The digital iTunes Essentials collection includes the full length Star Trunk Funkin' Mix in their Tori Amos best-of playlist, categorized as one of "The Basics".
2006 – The box set compilation includes the Star Trunk Funkin' Mix edit as well as the Merry Widow Live Version, but again, not the album version. The "Merry Widow" version featured here is an edit, which fades out some of Amos' dialog heard on the original Hey Jupiter EP.
2016 – the ''Boys For Pele" 2 CD Deluxe includes remasted album version as well the Star Trunk Funkin' Mix edit & the Merry Widow Live Version.
Remixes
"Professional Widow" – 4:31
"Professional Widow" – 8:08
"Professional Widow" – 3:45
"Professional Widow" – 5:35
"Professional Widow" – 4:31
"Professional Widow" – 3:44
"Professional Widow" – 7:20
"Professional Widow" – 6:56
"Professional Widow" – 3:51
"Professional Widow" – 7:58
Charts
Weekly charts
Year-end charts
Certifications
Covers
Hard rock act The Good Year Pimps released a version of the song for the compilation, Wouldn't It Be Great To Have All These Songs on One Album. This release also contains a cover of Amos' song "Iieee."
Dance/jazz Nite Flyte recorded a version of the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" for their album 30,000 Feet, revisioning it is a laid-back groove.
A cover of the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" was done by trance group Money Order.
The Vitamin String Quartet included an "album mix"-inspired version on their 2nd Tori Amos tribute compendium.
