Fonejacker

Synopsis

Broadcast

DVD releases

Release dates

Other appearances

Characters

Recurring cast

• Mr Doovdé is a camel riding aficionado of electrical goods who constantly misinterprets initialisms as acronyms, believing that they represent how the terms are pronounced and not spelt, e.g. 'Hoomv', 'Doovdé', 'Joovc', 'Poospé' and 'USBÉ'. He is completely oblivious to the confusion he causes as a result of this. At the beginning of most episodes, he phones Directory Enquiries and asks for places in the same way as he does for the electrical goods. Examples that have been shown so far are: 'Duhfs', 'Pük World' and 'Doovlah'. In the E4 Christmas Message, he asks about putting the 'hututupuh' and woo.hoomv.co.uhk. As he tells the sales people what he wants, Japanese, Indian or Bollywood-style adverts appear on screen that features Kayvan Novak himself. He appears to be riding his camel in front of inner-city Jerusalem. On some occasions he has also been used to phone various places asking the name of a tune. He then sings the tune to the person on the phone, though due to his accent the tune sounds like an Arabian song. These segments are done using live action and a hidden camera, as opposed to animation like when he phones direct enquiries or stores.

• George Agdgdgwngo is a very polite Ugandan scammer. He opens nearly every conversation with "Goooooood afternoon sir/madam" and seems to believe that all electronically stored bank account money in fact physically exists in personal vaults. He tries to obtain people's bank account details in a variety of ways, such as needing the details to obtain access to a bank vault due to it being steam cleaned or decorated for Christmas, a man suffering cardiac arrest inside or to remove a Ugandan pigeon. He claims to be a representative of several companies including Money Removal Plc., Bank Festive Redistribution Plc., Eastern Union Money Transfer and British Gas. He is usually unsuccessful in obtaining people's details, believing one man's sort code was "fuck off". One man did give a number, although it appeared to be him reading the lottery numbers out of a newspaper and the answer to his security question was "Jimmy Savile", who he claimed was his uncle. Another method George uses is to tell people they have won a cash prize or CPM aka "Cash Prize Monies!" that needs to be transferred to their bank account, but it is always a very small sum of money. George often gives the amount in Ugandan Dollars before converting to sterling using his 70s computer, which is next to a photo of Chris Eubank, although this was later replaced with Robert Mugabe along with George being pictured inside a security hut wearing a suit as opposed to an African hair salon wearing traditional African dress. The fictional 'Ugandan Dollar' supposedly trades at about 4900 per British pound. He often opens with the line "Good morning/afternoon/evening sir/madam!" regardless of who answers the phone or time of day. He is wanted by the Zimbabwe telephone fraud prevention unit. When asked by a victim how the money he has been rebated will be sent to them, he explains that it is transferred electronically to them directly by his Cousin Benson. Cousin Benson is portrayed by a real actor when he appears on-screen, whereas George himself is an animated illustration. He is apparently 6"4 in Detective Horace Von Khute's telephone identity parade.

• Mr Miggins is a confused OAP who made his début asking about a Genie who popped out of a brass lamp, whose appearance has now changed, and is now as confused as the person on the other end of the phone line. In episode 6, it is revealed Mr Miggins' first name is Michael. He is not seen in Series 2.

• Brian Badonde is a man who has a speech impediment where everything he says ends up starting with the letter 'B'. His accent is similar to that of art critic Brian Sewell. The impediment is prevented if Brian takes medication. Brian has made a call before without his speech affecting the call, when he rang a restaurant to ask about his blind date. It was also revealed that Brian is in fact homosexual in the same call. His appearance is revealed on Facejacker.

• Donald Donaldson is a posh sounding bisexual gentleman who phones hotel receptions and security guards asking for sexual favours from males. He does have a wife and believes she is cheating on him. He is believed to enjoy champagne, nibbles, and 'fucking like rabbits'.

• Terry Tibbs is a car salesman who calls various sellers about items on offer, and drives a hard bargain. He is a caricature of Cockney s, and an ageing Spiv. He begins his phone calls with a description of the item in question, and then uses his catchphrase "talk to me" e.g. "Italian Fireplaces, talk to me". He never actually makes a deal, as he often ends his phone calls with a low offer and "Thank you and goodnight – much love", although sometimes he makes an extremely high offer, confusing the person he is talking to. He can often be heard between and during sketches saying other catchphrases such as: "She's a feisty one isn't she", "That's why they call me Terry Tibbs", "Beautiful Car, Beautiful", "Do something for fuck's sake!!" and "Hang about love". Items he has tried to buy include wooden ladders for Russian gentlemen and Maserati 3200s. It is indicated at one point that George Agdgdgwngo is his security guard. In many of Terry's phone calls, he usually mentions Siberia. During the calls themselves a series of pictures appear connected to what Terry is talking about. He is apparently only 5"0 in Detective Horace Von Khute's telephone identity parade.

• The Mouse is a smart rodent who requires the regular help from local services, such as a vet because he's been poisoned after eating some cheese with green powder on it, or an exterminator to take care of a cat that ate his mother, father, brother and his cousin from the country. He is also an Oasis tribute artist playing on northbound platform 4 of Oxford Circus tube station and treats cheese as if it were pornography. At the end of every one of his sketches, he dies or it is implied that he will die.

• Jafool alias or The Beatboxer is a man who phones a company or shop and beatboxes to give details, confusing the 'victim'. These pranks are done using a hidden camera instead of animation.

• Sajnu alias, ISP Man or Mr Broadbandings is an Indian man who works in a call centre in India for Internet Service Providings, a highly priced ISP that promises "42 megabytings" data speed and "a better dealings than your current dealings". He also works for Mobile Network Providings, Digital Multichannel Receivings and Internet Relationship Findings. His main excuse for his persistence is "I got family to feed." In the third episode of Season 2, he reveals that his name is Sajnu.

• Mike is a Northern Irish tele-salesman who calls on the behalf of rudely named companies asking the victim questions about things such as their personal life or the tragic plight of the wrinkled ball sack. An example of his made up companies is "Good afternoon, sir, my name's Mike and I'm calling from 'wet look gel your crotch and make a quiff with your pubes IT recruitments limited', can I ask a few questions about your love life?"

• The Flat/Ticket Line is an 'automated' service for people wanting to buy or rent properties around the country. Callers are usually unsuccessful in their efforts as the service selects the incorrect properties. At the start of the conversation, the 'automated' service will usually make a 'beep' to allow the caller to speak, but towards the end of conversations, delays the beep until the person actually speaks, forcing them into repeating the same word. One person did manage to select the correct property, only to have the service malfunction totally, saying it has been rented. This is the only time people have phoned the Fonejacker, rather than the other way around, aside from Episode Six of Series 1 where Terry Tibbs was seen to receive a phone call. The photo of the Flat Line representative is Hollywood film actor James Mason, the voice also bears a striking similarity. The fictional service, has twice been selling tickets under the name 'Ticket Line'.

• The Chinese DVD Gang are a group of illegal, obese Chinese students who attempt to film films in cinemas and sell as DVDs. Their leader, Charlie Wong is the only member of the gang that speaks on the phone. He often says "You want buy DVD?". One of the members of the gang also claimed to be a Chinese Samuel L. Jackson lookalike.

• The Manager is the head of the Indian telesales companies Internet Service Providings and Mobile Network Providings. He only appears if the victims Mr Broadbandings calls, request to be put through to him if they are not happy with Mr Broadbandings' actions. He is always seen in his office, in which the Taj Mahal can be seen though the window behind him. While talking to the customer, a series of adverts appear based on the company in the same way with Mr Broadbandings. He believes that 'The customer is not right, he is talking bloody bollocks'. He is not involved in any of Mr Broadbandings' calls in Series 2.

• Criminal Dave is a bank robber who usually has quite large serious flaws in his plans. For example, he attempts to schedule a get-away in a minicab and to arrange for a locksmith to open the bank's safe. He is not seen in Series 2.

• Detective Horace Von Khute is a telephone fraud prevention officer from Zimbabwe, and is known to ask victims questions pertaining to a previous prank call. He speaks in a gravelly, hushed South African tone. Also, Detective Horace has an unusually long telephone number, making it hard to give and confirm that it is correct. His office uses an assortment of old, outdated equipment to track fraudsters His most wanted criminal is George Agdgdgwngo. He is not seen in Series 2.

• Dufrais Constantinople is a complaining Jewish man who calls an electric fence company to ask if it will stop the kids from next door from kicking the ball into his garden; he also calls a P.I and asks why he is being followed only to enter into argument, and also the Met Office about an incorrect newspaper report of the weather. He gives his name in two of his three calls, by spelling it out using words by saying "D for Donald, U for up, F for Friday, R for raspberry, A for ah, I for is and S for stratosphere", with D once being for 'Derrick'. He always struggles to find a word starting with S, claiming his mind has gone blank.

• Mendoza is a Russian man, who phones people who he wants to hire in order to hold an orgy, which he does not reveal at first to the "victims", until later on. He calls the orgys 'an event' beforehand, always has a drummer present, and people wearing masks.

• Steve a young scouse male, with a remarkable similarity to Steven Gerrard, who phones from a prison about different jobs, such as babysitting or as a chef at an airport restaurant, stating he has experience with the jobs such as caring for his drug addict sisters children and cooking in the prison kitchen.

• Janec is a Polish man who has moved from his homeland of Poland to Glasgow in Scotland, and lives in a bedsit with his other friends also from his homeland. Janec makes many calls applying for jobs, and once rang up a neighbour asking him to leave his phone near his TV, so they can hear it 'like a radio', as they do not have one themselves. He was commissioned to create the sound effects for a fictional Polish game show, supermarket announcement tannoys, the fasten seatbelt tone on Polish airlines and action scene music for a film, with all these played on a "Poland" keyboard. He once called a modelling agency asking to be a model. In that episode, he refers to himself being Ukrainian, despite saying he recorded music for a Polish game show. Like Horace Von Khute, he gave out an unusually very long telephone number in one of his calls.

One-off

• Alan A man who called a rickshaw driver to pick him up from terminal 4 of Heathrow airport.

• Man with a broken tooth style of talking is a man asking to see a dentist, but then unknown to the receptionist he asks to perform some love acts on her, but she thinks he is still making an appointment. The Fonejacker had his mouth full whilst making this call.

• Jéan-Pierre is a French man phoning a Car Company to put a deposit on a Rolls Royce Phantom, only to have phone problems while he reveals his details. He calls back later in the same episode, but has problems again.

• Welsh Man A man with a Welsh accent claiming to have lost both of his thumbs in a freak baking accident calling a mobile phone shop to enquire about the best mobile phone for him.

• Roger Barker is a posh English man with telephone problems who attempts to buy a Bentley.

• BT Engineer A BT engineer calling a book shop checking to see if their phone line is 'crackly'.

• Oliver Sloam A Polish handyman who charges £30 an hour to change a lightbulb. When in Series 1 Episode 4 Oliver dropped some coleslaw on his £300 suit he threw it away to avoid washing it.

• Bijan is an Iranian man who is seen riding a motorbike. He called a paparazzi service whilst chasing David Beckham and offered pictures and videos of him, only to crash during the call.

• Vishka Vishkovski is a Russian circus act whose act involves an 'amazing dancing bear on the hot coals'. He phones up a circus agency to ask for a job, often repeating his name and act several times.

• Hospitalised Man A hospitalised man on a breathing machine calling a company for life insurance, only to die during the call.

• Restaurant owner A restaurant owner calling a phone that supposedly belongs to a waiter named Antonio, it is answered by a man who found it in his dustcart, the Restaurant owner asks why he is late for work.

• Stanley is a young boy who phoned a model shop from his school, asking the shop for "Hornby Railways" train sets and figures, some of which do not exist, for example: "Depwessed people who stand on the twack waiting to be killed".

• Barry Childs is a man who is a chief executive in the 'Young Offenders Institute' trying to book a magic act. Initially the act sounds keen until he learns that his close contact magic will be likely to provoke a violent response from the offenders, and that several previous bookings were assaulted, after which the act politely declines.

• Rodriguez A Cuban hair louse who calls a school and asks if there is a school nurse who checks the children for lice.

• Dan A soldier phoning a florist in order to buy some flowers. Just as he is reading out what he would like on the card the Fonejacker plays a CD of battle sound effects to make it seem like he is phoning from the Afghanistan War

• Jimmy Jon is a bisexual Australian man who is given a call back from a man he telephoned earlier in the day, only to miss the call. When he gets back to him he tells him he is interested in buying a bed he has for sale, only to make sexual references informing the caller what he wants to do with the bed.

• Steve's Guv is a man who Steve, when calling about an au pair position, passes the phone onto. He has a talk with the woman Steve was talking to, and later tells him he did not get the position.

• Ali is an Iraqi man phoning the British Army in an attempt to join them, but is told Iraq is not a commonwealth country.

• Posh Man A posh man phoning a scrap yard trying to get another man's car scrapped, as the owner has been having sex with his wife.

• Scottish Man A man phoning directory enquiries requesting a telephone number to try and track down his ex-girlfriend.

• Andrew is a character who phoned a police office to report a criminal gang. As he tries to describe the gang members, he is very similar to Roger Barker in terms of telephone problems.

• The Gerbil an overweight rodent with a Scottish accent. He looks and sounds quite similar to the Mouse but survives his sketch.

• Jimmy is a Guatemalan man working for the "Juicee Juice Company". He is not seen in any of the episodes, but is seen on the Series 1 DVD cover on the bottom between Bijan and Mr Miggins. His only call can be found on the Unseen Material section of the Series 2 DVD. This is the only character so far to have been seen only on a Fonejacker DVD release and not in the actual Series itself.
• Mrs Millins is an OAP who phones a corner shop, claiming to be the head of the Neighbourhood Watch Scheme. She tells the owner that there is a man walking a cat on a lead and to keep a look out for him. The male owner later calls her a "lunatic" a few times, says he is the one walking the cat and eventually hangs up when Mrs Millins apologises for making the call. She is the first character since Jimmy not to appear on the main series.

Episodes